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Evenings

I could not update on the night as I couldn’t get the wifi passwords for the three houses I visited. I’m really only posting this because I said I would, it was just a bit of fun and it turned out to be a pretty crappy, meandering night anyway. Keep in mind I was thumbing these little notes into my phone when I was quite drunk. 

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Mourning Early Morning

People seemed to like a fairly recent post I did on finding a new flat mate, where I wrote about each person that came to view the room in the minutes after they had left and tonight I am going to do something similar. I am going to a party and I have put reminders on my phone at random intervals to remind me to write something about the night as it happens.

This is mostly a warning. You’ll see why later. I’ll try to keep it on one page.

Keep safe,
TN

Fawn

I don’t know what they say about boys with small faces,
you don’t know what they say about girls with no eyelashes.
You have rear-view mirror wishes (closer than you think).
I would run to meet all of them.

I joke with my friends about dating musicians and having your fundamental flaws put to music like the cruelest of Disney films. 

My pickup line was accusing boys of being gay and when they assured me they weren’t I’d tell them to prove it. 
Even my dreams were crass, inside of my sarcastic sleep. 
You were too efficient for my cheap lines, my overused tricks. Standing on a street corner that you swept me off of.

Who needs feet when you have somebody else’s arms. 

There is only a heavy restlessness when you slip out of consciousness with your fingers beneath my neck to keep them warmed against my throat, to be reassured of my breath.

But where could we go from here?

I wish that I was one of your lovers so that you might write about me the way you do about them.

That is a lovely thing to say but I have written truly awful things about people close to me, I don’t exactly make apology for it as it felt justified at the time but I do regret it to some degree. Thank you nonetheless. 

I often look at the list you made of every person you've ever kissed and I would be very interested in seeing what your personal sexual endeavors were like, if you would write about them.

Thank you for taking an interest, funnily enough I’ve had this request quite a few times and I’ve always shied away from the idea mainly because I have, unfortunately, in the past let people I know in real life read TN, including those I have slept with. Posts that aren’t even about sex/love/hurt, whatever, have been put under scrutiny by said people and I got sick of conversations that were always obviously leading up to: Is that one about me???

I also feel like I post about sex way too much as it is and it would be even more self-indulgent to list lovers and the way they make love (most of them don’t make love, either). If I was to do it, though, I would not number them because I feel that’s overly crass and I would have to use fake names. If enough people were interested I would definitely give it a go but really I think it would get pretty monotonous. Sex on sex on sex.. Uh. I don’t know.

June

Have A Heart is such a sick imperative. 

The water from where you are from tastes of silt and leaves my speech grainy, but you don’t notice it so much the more you drink. I could live there, with you and your family. Your city’s small habits could grow on me as you did. I could linger on my knees for days in praise for this, that I did not fall for the idea of you. You were not an image in my head before you were the hand thick in my hair.