May 2010
11 tags
S-L-O-W
Ego-sport sex, huh? What about just sport sex? Athletic, motorcross sex. Sex with a start and a finish with a winner and a [sore] loser. Hmm. Young people get hurt too easy for this shit.
New lifestyle starts like, what, right now? Like sloughing a dead skin. That’s what I’ll be. Give me two months. 60 days away. You might just not recognise me.
Dare you to flash those gaudy rings of yours...
9 tags
Distant & Frequent
Still sick, cancelling plans for my couch and soup. Cancelling plans in the hope you might just turn up. With biscuits to go with all the tea I’m skulling at the moment.
Wouldn’t mind your face on my shoulder in the bathroom mirror. Wouldn’t mind your body wrapped up in my sheets [probably dirty], then wrapped up in me. Definitely wouldn’t mind you wrapping my fingers up in yours, shielding...
8 tags
I’m too afraid to dip into what I was like as a young girl. Like if I dare to place my hand inside, it’ll stain up to my elbow, patches people will be able to see [again]. I have a feeling things that happened to me then had a much bigger effect than what I originally thought. It just leaves me with an uncomfortable weight, like cling film wrapped around my heart and wrists. Not so much plays...
9 tags
Wolf-whistles
Washing my sheets and reading Lolita, my feet too cold to function, wondering if I should colour my hair back to its natural dark brown, or stick to the dark red I am beginning to be known for.
The roof of my mouth reacts like a wounded animal. Been sucking on Vicks Vapour Drops all day long, those butter menthol ones. They only make me feel worse. Seeing as my appetite has packed it’s...
5 tags
Stones and sticks
Six kilometres, I still can’t run like with wind. I’m only doing this shit so maybe I’ll go unnoticed like a breeze. So that if I stand sideways you might just not see me. I don’t want you to look at me anymore, I don’t want to feel dark marbles of pupils roll down from my face to my feet, like a towel through water. I’d rather be the water underneath the stones you skip, just a light...
10 tags
Halfcast
What you notice first in a person may just be the things you hate about yourself. Things that sit uncomfortably on your frame, just weighing you down. Bringing your eyelids to your knees and your features crease with the effort to brush off the sight of what may just be pieces of ‘perfection’ that you just can’t seem to grasp.
Just just just.
Um, I’m sitting here cold and tired and hungry. ...
11 tags
Startle me
I hate my job and I want to quit.
You’re probably only looking at me because you’re trying to figure out if I’m a prostitute or a loner. I know I have skanky dark rings under my eyes. I promise it’s not from having sex with strangers. And no, I won’t have sex with you.
My mum comes home when I’ve been visiting her alone and eating all her scorched almonds [really slowly, like peeling layers ...
YOU →
8 tags
SHOT YOUR DAY DOWN
Standing in a bin in the loading zone outside my work, fishing through porn mags for girly ones. Which is worse? Dumbing down your brain with possibly made up sex stories and make up adds designed to make you feel bad or hyping up your bloodstream with probably made up sex stories and pictures of rippled men and toned females with legs spread and fake expressions designed to make you feel ...
11 tags
Callico Colours
Thinking of you walking the backstreets of the city, avoiding my eye, wherever I might be looking. I’m offended by the lack of respect the weather shows you. As much as you like to think I don’t see you, I do. Windblown and wet, hair slicked to your forehead. Eyes squinting and stance closed. I was standing across the street, by the way. I went to call your name but I can imagine the wind...
4 tags
Free to have fun but 60+ hours
Sleeping alone feels bitterly cold compared to recent nights that seem to have taken months in my head.
I can’t write anything. I can’t think of anything even slightly delicate to say. I know that I am tired and we kept each other up till 3am but I think that my mind’s gone blank actually more because of YOU. You’re invading any function my head tries to commit to like creeping vines....
4 tags
Scatter and startle
Standing up for you feels wrong, like standing on a plug end, three prongs in the small of my foot. I’m sucking on the ends of my fingers until they bleed as everyone bags on you. Dropping boulders on your name. And I’m cracking under the pressure of holding those 4 letters up. What should be so light, as a friend, feels like weights on the end of a fishing line. Holding me down under a...
12 tags
Gallerina
You’re so awkward, un-vain. I am the insane girl that might just follow you around.
Uneventful past might not be so uneventful after all. All things lead to this. Have taken me to 19 years old, with a collection of wrinkles like clusters of veins underneath my skin. Just waiting to burst, capillaries broken from smiles and open-mouth laughs I find so daunting in front of beautiful blue...
I love you, the way you are, the way you’ve always been.
10 tags
Crass
Writing a song called Ashburn at 2 in the morning, shaven legs shiny in my lamplight and wondering what it would be like if I was an only child. No more worries about a certain sibling sharing living quarters with a woman who killed her 16 year old daughter.
Ashburn. To name a fucking institution in relation to burning things, like ruins. What the fuck does that imply? These embers of people...
