Just What I Got Was Not What I Had Gotten Previously

No one notices the beauty of pigeons. Or the sexual appeal of smokers [Because there is none, you idiot]. Common birds, though, and the insects they survive on, serve as a reminder that people are seemingly obliged to let the common go unnoticed.

One word you would use to describe yourself: Observant
One word others would use to describe you: Flaky

I’m chugging away at spirulina like it’s going out of fashion [it’s not, that shit is red hot at the moment]. It tastes like bile but I feel AMAZING. The sales rep for my store takes eighteen capsules a day. She is quite the conversationalist. But I feel her eyes may be just a little too wide.

I took maybe 20 today. My eyes are most definitely too wide.

Whenever someone I don’t know sneezes, I literally have to fight the urge to yell ‘BLESS YOU!’

Word I hate: Masticate. Who, the hell. Seriously.

Therapist at my sisters group meeting ‘How old are you?… You’re very impressive.’ And me, thinking “YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE MY SISTER IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A “MAJOR DEPRESSIVE EPISODE”’.

On being twenty very soon: I am feeling the need to do all the things I thought would be exciting in my teens, but never did. Like streaking. Or body-painting. Playing for a crowded room. Being involved in a mass orgy.

Instead, when I turned sixteen, I got my lip pierced. Then again. And got drunk a whole bunch. It was all pretty mundane, and really, my parents had nothing to worry about. The psychic I went to said I was very intuitive. As did the psychic at my work. I know when someone’s a bad soul. They both also said there would be a pregnancy in November. And it would most probably be mine. Oh, thank goodness for that. Here I was worrying about fertility. Now I’m going to have a kid at twenty. The thing that really got me, though: Both of them said it would not be a mistake.

I can’t even imagine how I am supposed to be taking that.

Stocking up on contraception and abstinence pants for the months of October and November… Abstinence pants? I don’t know what I was thinking of just then. Maybe like barbed wire pants. ELECTRIC-SHOCK PANTS. But then I’m like… If I decide to abstain for those months, will the pregnancy fall to someone else… Like my MOTHER? My sister is not allowed to have sexual contact or any sort of relationship when she leaves the institution, for a year. Or that’s the advice that was given. She’s 23. My mother got married at 22. I know that really doesn’t mean anything. But it’s interesting to look at how things can change in 30 odd years.