Oh, Playboy Youth
You: All of my unreturned library books. I will forever pay for forgetting.
It frightens me, the knowledge I will be reminiscent for this past year of unemployment. Like, the freedom to sit and eat an apple in the park, the worst element of any day, only the weather. Walking home from the gym at ten-thirty pm to stand, flushed and glassy, at the fridge to eat a fig, decadence; sinless. It doesn’t matter if sleep grips me at twelve or three am because eight hours will come no matter what paltry plans I have made. I will justify it, maybe, two or three years on- But you were bereaved ____! You didn’t want to party! You just wanted to eat fruit on a bench or smoke a cigarette while the rest of the world, quite literally, walked past. All of their farm-animal footwear, humans in hooves.
It does seem, at those times, the rest of the world has indeed passed you by in the space of half an hour and six almonds. Like, everybody else got up and on with their lives and I dropped something on the way out, on my hands and knees, searching the cracks and the corners.
So, I’ll be reminiscent, but also still covered from the filth of the floor, still missing what I’ve lost. And with no time to sit outside for a while, let the wind brush the dust off.
Mum and Dad, oh so pleased, with me; tracing my fingers over my features as the ‘real world’ twists them, maybe gently, or not so. Unrecognisable, and wrinkled.
I should have done more with this year, I know.
I don’t know if you have picked this up, I put forward a lot of shit for you to pick through most days, but my family is vastly important to me. Sometimes I think about them dying, so I’ll appreciate them more (maybe). I don’t cry or anything.
It’s a shame we’re somewhat conditioned to be so comfortable around the people we love as to treat them like shit.
You know what a collection of apes is called? A shrewdness. A shrewdness of apes. Also, a busyness of ferrets. A murder of crows. A clowder of cats. A sloth of bears.
A collection of humans has no name.
Most of us hunt in packs though.